I’m Not Complaining Because I Fear Retribution

July 27

What follows has been submitted anonymously by a community member. Please DO add your thoughts and advice as a comment ❤

My Secret Frustration:

I am part of a coaching program that has fallen far short of all the promised resources. When I first joined earlier this year, one of the other members voiced concern about missing promised elements and the coach went off on her, saying she expected more compassion from her members in the pandemic and kicked her out. Not understanding details, assuming the best, I liked how she stood up for herself.

Now we’re headed into the fall and the program has really fallen apart. One of my guesses is that the coach has fallen into a depression. This has kept me quiet and hopeful that it will break eventually. Other members in the program aren’t asking any questions, none of the training we were promised have come through and I feel like my investment was wasted.

For weeks I’ve wanted to ask questions and get a refund but I’m afraid to. After all this time, I’m not in any refund period I’m aware of. I feel certain she will not take it well. I value some of the relationships in the group and they all seem loyal to her. If I stand up about it, do I lose them?

I suppose my option is to speak up or walk away.

Helpful & Encouraging Responses From The Community:

Val Selby of Your Bold Life shares…

If there is no positive outcome then hit cancel. Don’t feel guilt to stay in a membership you get nothing from.

Adalia John of Claim Your Confidence Now shares…

Thank you for sharing. The spotlight should be on you not the coach. One of my favorite mantras to my children (when they were teenagers) was “what you do in one area of your life, you do in all areas of your life.”

Reflect for a moment and answer these empowering questions. What area of your life are you …?

  • Saying yes, when you want to say no, or vice-versa
  • Afraid to speak up
  • Looking outside of yourself for validation
  • Following the crowd, instead of being authentic
  • Wanting to be loved/liked/accepted at the expense of being true to who you are
  • Making excuses for staying in an unhealthy relationship (broken promises. Disrespected)

All relationships should be created from a place of … I am enough. I am worthy and deserving of promises kept, respect, happiness, joy, and success.

Speaking your truth. What empowering advise would you give to a friend/loved one who had a coach such as you described? There’s your answer.

I hope this helps in some way. Stay confident and be empowered.

Lynn Leusch of Create Scout shares…

I haven’t been in your specific situation before, but I have purchased programs over the years that have greatly disappointed me where I did not feel I rec’d the value I was promised.

I always learn so much from these anonymous questions as I hope the owner of the original question does.

You end your quandary by stating you have two options. There is always the additional option to add to your choices…Say something AND walk away. The coach of the group certainly did not respond in a way that would encourage anyone to speak up, whether or not she is going through issues or not. If you leave without saying anything then the coach of the group will have no understanding why you stepped away and of your un-satisfaction. It’s important for her to realize that her actions are wrong and has not fulfilled her promise. It certainly isn’t easy to speak up, but you can always feel more confident with decisions like this when you do it with kindness and from your heart. I don’t always feel saying something publicly is the best option and would likely say something in a private “official” message. If you go this route, why not ask for the refund for the product that was not delivered. If the answer is no, you will at least have tried.

Suzanne Sukhram shares…

You’ve gotten some good advice here.

Regarding the relationships built, make a plan to connect with them outside the group before leaving. If they don’t want to connect with you after you leave, then that is their choice.

I was in this situation last year. I chose to walk away and not ask for my money back, because I felt like I had gained valuable lessons even though I didn’t get what I hoped for out of the coaching relationship. But that may have been a smaller investment than yours.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well, and hope that you’ve gotten at least a bit of benefits out of the situation.

Sadie Smiley of SadieSmiley.com shares…

I joined a coaching program at a friend’s insistence not too long ago. It included two 15-minute coaching calls every month. The first call was pointless, but it was the first call so I figured the next one would be better. It wasn’t. The coaching didn’t help me, even a little bit. As soon as I got off the second 15-minute call, I cancelled my subscription and left the group quietly.

Because of the headspace the coach seems to be in, I’d leave quietly. I know this post is old so you’ve probably already handled it, but I’ve had this experience and it was rough!

Final Thoughts From Kelly

Really good input here and I appreciate the awkwardness of the situation.

Imagine for a moment the money you paid is on a table between you and the coach. Let’s say it’s $10k. Ten thousand dollars in cash is on the table between you.

What amount would you joyfully give her for all you’ve received in your time together?

What amount would you NOT joyfully surrender to her?

I bet a number jumped into mind immediately. Trust that, express yourself to her and ask for the refund you want.

You get to ask, she gets to respond.

Even if she does respond poorly and you get nothing returned – you’ll feel powerful for standing up for what you want.

We all have secret frustrations and I invite you to share yours. Submit your anonymous question, comment or story here.


My Secret Frustration

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